Yuliya passed the work of wrapping up the story on to John of The Adventures of Daddy Runs A Lot. How excited am I? John is both a friend, and a colleague of mine at Write on Edge. John makes running and cycling sound sexy (no small feat when you’re me), has an adorable family, and keeps me giggling on Twitter. He is a ray of sunshine, a tech savvy knight in shining armor, and a from-the-heart writer. For a quick get to know him, start here, but don’t stop. There’s so much more to love.
Buckle up, kids. This is going to be fun!
The finale of Dragon’s Bane:
“Maybe I can convince them all to hop in the bath with me at the same time,” Drake thought to himself, not for the first time. “If I can convince some of them that group baths are the method to which hot water is conserved in this world of ours, and that quick thrusting motions are well-known to keep water temperatures from dropping, well, surely gullibility is a bona-fide reason for dismissal – and I might as well have fun with it.”
He ticked off his mental list of the remaining bachelorettes, certain that at least Monica & V would join him. Heck, Monica & V would do whatever he asked of them, which is why he regretted signing up in the first place. Well, right now, he minded signing up in the first place – as soon as the view got a little bit better, it’s all back to hormones, and when that happens, it’s not so bad. But still, playing with dolls is the stuff for kids — a love of Candyland turns to a love of Chess for a reason. Some of these bimbos, well, they didn’t get it.
Bracing himself for the onslaught, he went through his routine: push ups to make his muscles just a tiny bit more camera-ready, fingers through his hair in an attempt to do something with the mess, a kilt around his waist. Looking directly at the boom mic overhead, he reached into his kilt “is it really a mystery as to what the dragon’s key is?” he asked aloud. Somewhere, someone laughed aloud.
“I guess someone’s getting fired,” Drake thought to himself.
Heaving a sigh and a “let’s do this,” and with Ross at his tail, the dragon opened the door and approached his maidens.
“Greetings, m’ladies” he said in his booming voice. “What a pleasure it is..”
And then it happened.
Out of nowhere, Brianna elbowed one of the girls — it happened so quickly that no one was sure which one it was at the time. Blond hair flew and then, suddenly, Ross was on the floor, a maniacal blond barking out orders in some Slavic language. “Polish?” the dragon thought as he reprimanded himself for wondering about a random slew of words rather than to the safety of his now unconscious friend. “Maybe Russian.”
It was Estonian. But Drake had no way of knowing that.
All Amanda could do was pray that the cameras were rolling as she wiggled her toes, wishing she hadn’t worn her pumps today.
The non-ninja girls gathered together in a corner, and it was Virginia that was the target of the flying elbow. A welt was starting to form under her left eye as she checked her nose. “Thank god, it’s not broken, it’s not broken” she sobbed.
Terrence, the overly friendly rat befriended by the V in the opening episode, hoped that the humans would leave so that he could get to the food on the table that was now, obviously, going to go untouched.
Sound engineers and grips started putting their equipment down, responding to the instructions from the Eastern European bombshell.
Amanda seethed. “This. Is. My. Fucking. Show.” she screamed in her head, breathing heavily, murder in her eyes.
“I thought you had crazy eyes before. I never knew you were actually crazy” Drake announced – more loudly than was necessary, not sure if the microphones would pick up everything said as they sat on the floor. “But why Ross?” he asked, crouching into a dragon pose, ready to strike.
“The sidekick is always the one you have to watch out for,” Brianna explained. Drake looked at her, quizzingly, thinking back through the movies he’s seen, blanking on any time that the sidekick was more dangerous. Maybe Lord of the Rings? Samwise might have been the better fighter than Frodo — but where else did that hold true? And is thinking about movie heroes really the appropriate response when someone has just knocked out your best friend?
“This. Is. My. Fucking. Show.” Amanda continued screaming in her head, and then, audibly, “Pick up your fucking equipment — goddammit, we are going to finish this fucking season.” And, then wondered if, just maybe “The Swearing Vixen” was a better superhero name than “Preying Mantis.”
“What exactly do you want?” Drake asked the crazy woman cowering over his best friend.
“An audience to witness my ascent to power, of course” Brianna explained, as if explaining why you needed to put peanut butter on both slices of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich to a five year old. “Henchmen, now!” she barked and the crew started to progress toward the group of models, each crew member pulling out a roll of duct tape.
“And now, my sweet dragon,” Brianna said, sweetly, “it’s time for you to die.” And with that, she pulled a dagger from her boot and threw it at the object of a million women’s lust.
Amanda, still seething, did not pause. Upon seeing the flash of metal, she sprang to action, jumping in the flight path of the spinning column of death. And with a swift motion of her hands, she caught & redirected the dagger back at it’s origin.
All who watched, including Trevor, gaped, open-mouthed.
The dagger clipped Brianna’s blouse and bra strap, quickly revealing her shoulder without actually cutting her. It was a one-in-a-million dagger toss, if you ignore the fact that it was caught & redirected in mid-air.
“Damn basic cable” Drake thought to himself at the lack of an exposed nipple.
The crew, flabbergasted at the turn of events, dropped their rolls of duct tape (which, to give them credit, they were wielding menacingly) and put their hands in the air. Brianna was not to be deterred and leapt toward this female femme-fatale. Amanda put her down by simply stepping aside and watching her foe crash face-forward into the wall, crumpling to the ground.
“Get back to work,” Amanda whispered to the crew, and they scattered, gathering their equipment, tripping over themselves.
“The preying mantis always gets to choose her mate,” she said, looking at the camera. Licking her lips and looking at Drake, she said “I think I might just have the right lock for that key of yours” before signaling that the cameras should cut away.