Kill Shot

It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf?” Felicia nearly snorted her tea. She gave Yevgeny an arch look and stole his last bite of cake. “Tell me you’ve got more than that.”

Yevgeny’s ears and neck burned, but his smile never faltered. “A KGB caper, a femme fatale, all set in a steampunk version of cold-war Germany.”

“Sugar, if you can pull that off, I will be officially out of work.” She picked up his neatly typed pages and her signature purple pen. “Let’s ignore the first line for now and move on to the rest of the paragraph.”

Yevgeny looked up to see his roommate approaching the recreation desk. Lev signed the register, hoisted his messenger bag across his chest, and disappeared towards the billiard tables. It was no surprise to him when Utkin and Orlov followed a moment later, conspicuously ordinary in their hockey jerseys.

The center and the right-winger grabbed Smartfood and Cokes from the vending machines and thumped down at a nearby table, laying open their physics textbooks amongst the junk food.

“I’d like to see you streamline your phrasing a little,” Felicia was saying. Yevgeny loved to watch the way she rested the end of her pen on her bottom lip. It was a juvenile fantasy, but he always imagined himself leaning across the table and smudging the damp spot with his thumb. She would raise her kohl-dark lashes and he would see his own lust reflected in her eyes…

His pocket buzzed. He flinched, nearly spilling Felicia’s tea. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and read the text message that had so rudely interrupted his admittedly flowery daydreams.

Felicia scribbled lilac notes across his story. He snuck a glance at her progress—would she see herself in his luscious, if clumsily portrayed, Katya?

“I have to use the men’s room. I’ll be back in a minute.” He stood. His reflection in the mirrored wall was sleepy and rumpled. Hardly the type to write a sci-fi spy thriller.

“No problem.” She didn’t look up from the manuscript.

He pushed his sandy hair back from his forehead and tugged at the hem of his shirt as he walked away.

On his way through the game room, Yevgeny silently sought out his roommate. Lev had nearly cleared the fourth table on the left. Yevgeny paused to watch his friend deliver a flawless dead ball shot. The cue ball rested at the point of contact as the eight ball sank into the corner pocket.

As he passed, Lev gave him a slow nod. “Time to go.”

Yevgeny’s eyes widened. He peered back around the corner. Their table was empty, cleared of his papers. Felicia’s mug sat next to his empty plate; her purple pen lay abandoned on the banquette.

Lev laid his cue on the table. “She got too close, Zhenya. I’m sorry.”

 

Write On Edge: Red-Writing-HoodBegin your story with, “It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf.”

22 Responses to Kill Shot

  1. Whoa, that was unexpected!

  2. Love this! Great twist at the end.

  3. What a character in Yevgeny. The details are amazing. Hockey jersey, kohl dark lashes, the banquette and the names…all just terrific.

    I could read this all night and into the morning.

  4. Oooh, I like this. I saw it unfold like a movie (though perhaps I just have movies on the brain.)

  5. Ooooh! I like the story within and story.

    And that detail about the smudge on poor Felicia’s lip is a stunner.

  6. Pingback: Red Writing Hood: A Rainy Night in Dusseldorf | Write On Edge

  7. Well, that was not the ending that I had expected…. not that I knew what to expect but still.
    What I love is that I get fully engrossed with the story and all else around me seems to disappear until I get to the end and wonder where is the rest… that is when I know that it is an incredible story.

  8. I was very definitely intrigued by the twist. I would like to know more about these characters…maybe in a future post or a short story?

  9. You absolutely got the intrigue perfectly. It was totally unexpected, and incredibly smooth in the writing.

  10. Fantastic as always. I would drop the “to watch” from the line “He loved to watch the way she rested…” I think it would read cleaner as “He loved the way she rested…”

    You did an excellent job revealing the details as the protag noticed them, which is perfect considering his character. That delicate balance of describing the scene and advancing the story is hard to achieve but you made it look easy. Well done!

  11. That was completely unexpected. Fabulous development of the mystery. I hope you continue with this!

  12. Love this! I want to read more. Like Tina said–more with these characters, please! A short story?

  13. I love reading the comments above;
    seeing people say, “I want more.”

    Especially because what I am thinking is, “I want to read this again. And again.”
    (And I did.)

  14. Gone without a trace…That is perfectly clear-an empty table, cleared of papers…

    Cam, don’t do this to us. We are at your mercy now…

    And the title? Dead prefect!

  15. Not a dead prefect…(Harry Potter?)

    Perfect!

  16. Don’t do this to us! I swear I lose so much sleep over these characters of yours!

  17. Unexpected indeed. It’s one of those stories where where we basically are trapped to think that the usual events will fall into place. Obviously this one didn’t.

    Nice One.

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