It’s Good To Be Seen

Heather showered second, and then offered to take Felix with her when she and her son left for the family’s growing business in downtown Portland, Maine. Her husband was already gone ahead. Alone, I jumped into the shower myself before following her.

The drive in to the industrial space just off 295 took all of ten minutes, but they were ten minutes scented with salt air and sunshine. When I got to Rising Tide, the boys were building a fort out of Rubbermaid containers while Heather and her husband labeled bottles of American pale ale. Felix was particularly fascinated by the labeling machine.

It was good to be seen. Good to be supportive of my friends. Good to lavish a little love on my godson.

I’ve been increasingly depressed lately. Jobs are scarce, and getting a reply from a résumé even more so. It gets harder and harder to justify not doing what work I have in my pajamas. It gets easier to stay in bed, to let the chores go an extra day. After all, money is tight. We don’t often stray far from home because gas is prohibitively expensive, there’s no cash for camps or summer activities. Our family vacation this year is again being made possible through the generosity of our families, and I’m trying really hard not to feel like I’m taking advantage.

I don’t blog about it because it feels like whining. We have each other, a roof over our heads, our health (Now I knock on wood.).

Without a ton of close friends in the area, it gets lonely around here. Reaching out to my frankly amazing online circle of friends helps. A lot. But it can be done in those pesky jammies. And it begins to feel like reality is on my computer screen and not in the air around me. Life slips by quietly. Not good.

Biting the bullet and driving the 140 miles to Portland felt a lot like an indulgence. It may have, in retrospect, been a necessity.

This morning, on the advice of a wise friend, I got up and got dressed. And yes, it took someone else telling me. I’ve applied for some jobs, I’ve done some work. I feel better. And that hope that’s blooming in my gut smells a lot like the salt air in Portland.

It was very good to be seen.

34 thoughts on “It’s Good To Be Seen

  1. our disney trip was my now late father-in-law’s gift to his grandchildren. Bobina and I just got to tag along. I know how you feel.

    Good for you all. Glad you had fun.

  2. Awwww – you made me teary on my bus ride to work this morning (or maybe that’s just the fact that I have to go back to work). Glad you got dressed this morning. Baby steps…

  3. You got me all teary at work on a Monday morning. It was incredibly good to see you. Stick with it and let me know what I can do to help. And have a wonderful week at Hampton. I love you!

  4. you are so blessed to have friends who love you unconditionally,as we,your family do, but hurray for them being honest enough to say what we have wanted to,but didn’t have the courage to. we are always here for you,but perhaps we need to be more in the present. you are a remarkable woman and you need to remind yourself of that every morning when you face yourself in the mirror. and yes you do need to face yourself!

  5. Cam, I’m so sorry things are stressful right now.

    I’m glad you could get away, glad you could be among good friends, salt air and sunshine. We, your virtual friends, are here for you, but I know what you mean. As wonderful as they may be, computer screens and jammies are no substitute for getting “out there.” At least not all the time.

    Hugs, my friend:)

    1. Thanks, Valerie. I am lucky to have you all. But yes. I do need to pull myself up out of this one step at a time. I can still blog in my real clothes.

  6. Love you my friend.

    Also, I don’t think you should feel like you’re taking advantage of your friends and family for any help that’s given. They’re offering and doing those things because of what you bring to their lives. Not all gifts are financial.

    (But still? Hoping the tide turns and turns soon for you.)

  7. I’ve had many a daydream about a tweetup at the brewery.

    I, sometimes, wonder, if I lost my job, if I’d be able to pick up the pieces and ever get dressed. Part of me truly wonders.

    Then I think of the profile picture you just put up as your Facebook profile picture & I think it’s a good thing that you have non-pajamas, because that’s a hot pic (not that pajamas are ever not hot – because, they usually are, based on the principal that the increased coefficient of comfort leads to the increased attractiveness of the garment being worn . . . assuming, of course, that the garment is not a Croc)

    That online circle you speak of — well, they’re pretty fabulous, are they not?

    And, as someone who has both accepted charity from others, and offered it — you’re never taking advantage when taking someone up on their offer. Ever.

    1. Blush and giggle.

      But seriously, you would. Because CJ and L need you and love you. Because I suspect Duffy would kick your ass. Because we would prop you up. How do I know? You all came here and pushed me to standing today, didn’t you?

      This tribe kicks ass.

  8. I know exactly what you mean. A friend used to say ~ “do the thing you think you can’t do and you will feel so much better after doing it.” I think even getting dressed applies. I say this as I sit here preparing to skip my meditation group because I just can’t get it together. 😉

  9. Cam, even the smartest, sharpest people on earth get stuck. They get stuck thinking not-true thoughts in their pajamas, and they don’t know how to stop. Everybody does this. EVERYBODY. Just imagine that the next time you see someone who has a job, and money, and a dream life.

    And, you’re always welcome to visit Hell, I mean, Charleston. I can’t get my family or friends to visit, so extending the invitation to someone I’d like to know better makes sense to me. 🙂

    I’m glad you went to Portland. Smelling the salty sea and staring at that circular window designed by IM Pei would certainly give me some peace.

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