- Draft 50,000 words in two mad months. Convince self you are literary giant.
- Lose focus, shelve draft for three years.
- Discover the entire secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
- Rewrite over 18 months. 65,000 words of plausible nonsense.
- Discover the entire new secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
- Rewrite over another year. Convince self you are not bonkers to have done so. 75,000 words.
- Decide to publish in six months. Actually tell people that.
- Get solid notes from beta readers. Rewrite. 82,000 words.
- Panic. How is the book getting LONGER?
- Gain beta reader approval. Send out for copyediting.
- Get edits back. Fix eleventy-million things. Send out for proof copy printing.
- Send uncorrected digital proofs to selected readers.
- Get proof in mail. Squee like a pre-teen at a pre-Zayne’s-departure One Direction show.
- Read through proof in horror: So. Many. Wrongs.
- Apply 463* sticky-note edits to proof.
- Implement changes to book files.
- Remember when Chef Louise said you eventually have to stop fucking with it.**
- Click Publish.
*estimate. see photo for details.
**she said it. to soften the language would destroy the beauty of the moment. “it” was, for the record, cake frosting.